Can't let you go...I'll be with you forever...

Just some thingies...

2005-07-11T02:40:00.000+10:00

There were several tests (Actually, only 2...) I took and these were the ones I kinda found interesting...Try it if you want...

The Keys to Your Heart

You are attracted to those who are unbridled, untrammeled, and free.

In love, you feel the most alive when things are straight-forward, and you're told that you're loved.

You'd like to your lover to think you are loyal and faithful... that you'll never change.

You would be forced to break up with someone who was ruthless, cold-blooded, and sarcastic.

Your ideal relationship is open. Both of you can talk about everything... no secrets.

Your risk of cheating is zero. You care about society and morality. You would never break a commitment.

You think of marriage something you've always wanted... though you haven't really thought about it.

In this moment, you think of love as something you thirst for. You'll do anything for love, but you won't fall for it easily.

What Are The Keys To Your Heart?

House Keeping UkeYou are -90% Seme!

You are the housekeeping uke! You are caring and
you can cook, clean, wash up and you are good
on the bed. Who could hate you but those
jealous souls out there? But perhaps you don't
care. Nothing rewards you more than your
partner's rare smile after a perfect dinner.
You are constantly seen in the kitchen wearing
an apron. Housewives come to you for cooking
tips! Your partner is one lucky guy.

Most compatible with: The Gentleman

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That's actually about it. Thanks for caring for those who visit! Ja ne mina-san!

Oh YEAH!

2005-06-22T21:34:00.000+10:00

Exams...are...OVER!!! Finally!!! Plus, PLUS...I'm goin' home in 4 days time!!! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!! YAY!!! YAY!!! YAY!!! Uhhh....that's it really...Ummm...yeah...Ja ne everyone...*Slowly walks away...*

Let's play!!! Round two!!!

2005-06-13T17:50:00.000+10:00

This is it people!!! Round two!!! Time to get serious again!!! *Grins with fangs showing* Semester 1 exams are HERE!!! I have 4 more days to the first exam but that's just EAP 6 more days to the serious 'fun' part!!! An update to the very long gap in my blog...Lets see, I got some people their presents, finished my pracs for the semester (Finally!!!), the usual mood swings day by day and, AND I WON FIRST PLACE FOR A WALTZ COMPETITION!!! Oh yeah!!! Didn't expect it you know!!! Lolz!!! Felt so good!!! Was on a natural high for like almost a week!!! But the world has to have balance and I found out about some disturbing news that did ruin my mood significantly, not only did it make me depressed again, it made me feel SO DEAD but not as much as I did before because I know what I'm after now...and what is my real feelings...It was partly my fault but one can only blame oneself and let others blame you to a certain extent don't ya think? I'm starting to think that my blogs are REALLY significantly quite short comparedto some other blogs I read. *Tch* But this is me...not a long writer but a long winded talker!!! Hahahahahaz! Neways, need to wake myself up from this drowsiness...Ja ne mina-san!

I...HATE...MYSELF!!!

2005-05-31T23:25:00.000+10:00

I hate myself!!! I SO friggin' hate myself!!! My stupid mouth has gotten me into another dilemma with a bunch of friends again!!! TWICE IN HALF A YEAR!!! I don't believe it!!! Sometimes I wonder if the world WOULD be better if I was serious and just keep everything to myself and just shut up... I HATE it when this happens!!! My guilty conscience doesn't let me rest and to make things worse, I don't think the guys will either!!! AND I have to see them TWICE a week and I don't like making enemies (I don't think anyone would...)!!! It just friggin' hurts me so much as it hurt him!!! I don't mean to say what I mean and I hope that they will know that... I was never taken seriously in anything in all my life and never thought I would or will be... I feel so down and I don't know if I'll be able to act as myself in front of them anymore... I feel so stupid and dumb and I don't know what to do... Maybe I should start to change and maybe for the better... of the world and my 'serious' friends... I WILL hate it but it's my duty as a friend as well as a person in society to do so... Now if you'll excuse me, I have to start to be more boring... Ja ne people...

In my shoes...

2005-05-29T19:19:00.000+10:00

Hey everyone! How's life? Heh... Getting interesting isn't it... Lotsa people say they don't believe this could be me... So sad and depressing.. Well, it's how you see it I guess. Lolz. I know I sound like a guy who is just looking for attention or whatever and if you want to believe that then go ahead but I will say what I feel k? With that out of the way, I'm starting to lose my mind... I'm getting mixed and conflicting feelings.. I don't know what I feel... The feeling is so filled with hatred and sorrow but also with care and love... It sounds confusing how one can even BEGIN to feel such conflicting emotions... It's just because I don't even know what I want... I feel so lost... I'm getting mixed signals and I feel so FRUSTRATED!!! *GROWL* I can't even start to describe the effects of this and how it's slowly gnawing at my soul... *whine~* I know I should just wait for things to take it's time but... AAAAAARRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!! I would cry if I could... but I can't... It wouldn't be 'me' now would it if Kian Jin cried or showed his sorrow in front of people... (^_^) What people and society wants of me makes me who I am... Majority over minority, that's life isn't it? Now if you'll excuse me, I will go and try to fill myself with endorphines (I hope it's the right spelling!!!). Ja ne everyone.

Gomen everyone...

2005-05-24T20:50:00.000+10:00

Hey guys... Sorry about all the recent depressing posts (to most) and I just felt very bad for doing so... I mean, this is the only place where I can really express myself without much prejudice from people telling me that their lives are much worse than mine... I know that most of you guys/gals have it hard as well, some more than others but...it's just that I'm in a unique situation where I cannot, well you know, show all... But hey! Don't treat me any different than you guys already do! It's the only way I'll ever survive! Through all that you guys have done, good or bad, it has definately become something I use for my life...so...Yeah! It will still be a bit depressing depending on my mood but thanks...If you don't believe what I said before this about me being there for you...well then...believe what you want... Anyways, love has and will always be disturbing my heart until I find 'the one'.. Heh heh... I'm sure you guys are bored about me talking about love but...you try being in MY shoes and THEN you tell me... Anyways, before I go and destroy this laptop, ja ne everyone...

Everything's ok...I'm not alone...You're not alone...

2005-05-22T17:09:00.000+10:00

Hey everyone. How are all of you? Heh. So far, everything is kinda clear...for now...(Just woke up, that's why I'm kinda ok...) I'll try not to be so depressing or be depressed as a matter of fact now...I know that others are going through tough times and that's why I'm writing this blog...You guys have been really great friends to stick by me (I assume...) and now I can say that I will always be there for you, anytime, anyday, anywhere...My ears and heart will always be open to listen and feel for you...People often think I'm just a guy acting like a little boy, well...I AM but I also can feel what you must be going through so don't hesitate if you have any doubts that I'm not mature enough...If you don't wanna tell me, then it's your right...I won't butt in...Just remember, You're not alone, you are NEVER alone, as long as I live...That I promise...Well also as long as you guys are still my friends that is...Hehe...Apart from that, I'm hoping that all that troubles me will,well get resolved soon...So, that's it...I'll see you guys soon...Ja ne...

It feels so horrible...

2005-05-21T14:49:00.000+10:00

Do you have that feeling when you have done something that you don't realize will affect you or others after the thing has set in? Yeah, it happened to me just recently...I never knew that Xiaos and Charles' relationship would affect me in anyway...No, not the constant OMG OMG OMG's for who knows how long...It's how looking at them makes me want to know & want things that I once thought would be dormant for a long time...It could never be woken up by other couples because they weren't as close to me as those friends of mine...Adrena, Xiaos, Stephanie, Joanne, Charles, Gavin, Aries and so forth...You guys were the ones who could keep me away from all those thoughts, those feelings that I want so badly but unable to get them...putting them to the back of my mind...I know it sounds a bit unfair to those who know them but yes, I still want them to be happy...It's how I'm gonna deal with it now that it has risen to the surface...That will be my challenge from now on...But *huh* I have always been able to deal with it so...I should be fine!!! My heart will hopefully be mended soon... Anywayz, wanna go and eat something...Ja ne people!!!

To those who doubt me...

2005-05-21T01:01:00.000+10:00

Right...Time to get things straight...I for one am absolutely frustrated at what comments and 'things' (verbal and visual, I think...) I have been given in different times...I have my own limits to what I think is a joke or a friendly sarcastic remark (and I don't mind it being directed at me) and what has gone overboard and doubting who I am...It not only hurts me but also makes me feel that I should start avoiding you and I'd rather take my chances with one more enemy than see a false friend...I have gotten enough of that as it is, don't add more burden to me or yourself to falsify your 'friendiness'...If you see me as someone whom you'll NEVER mix around with and doing this for 'certain reasons' that I will never get, please...tell me and we can find a way to 'solve' this problem...If you just knew me, there you go...For those whom already know me, extra information for you...Also, don't be a hypocrite...It just annoys the HELL outta me!!! It is so brilliantly stupid to contradict what you just said don't you think? Apart from all that, some of my memories of my friends have been haunting me...Miss you guys SOOOOOO friggin' much!!! See you guys soon in late, VERY LATE June!!! *KJ just breaks down* *sniff...sob...* *wipes eyes with an black and orange handkerchief* *huh* Anyways, there was more but...NAH!!! I fell much better now...Thanks to those who actually took your time to read my blog!!! Love you guys!!! *KJ glomps those people* Still looking for 'the one'...*huh* Aw well, I'll randomly update my blog now and again so just look out...Time to recuperate from the loss of sleep due to HOI...Ja ne everyone!!!

Heh heh...Long time, ne?

2005-05-15T17:55:00.000+10:00

Hehe...Sorry guys for not updating for a long time...I've been kinda busy and feeling down...I've been supressing my feelings for anyone as long as I've known it...Everytime I look into the mirror, all I see is someone who try as he might to look as happy and cheerful but in his heart, every morning and every night, wondering will there be anyone willing to be close to me, take me in their hands and giving me someone I'm willing to care and to protect for as long as I live, even into the next life...our hearts never seperated, our bodies and soul as one...I know most of you are thinking, "Yeah, so what?!?! I'm also single and I don't care...I feel the same thing and I'm not complaning...Everyone's the same Kian Jin...The world's like that Kian Jin...Accept it..." I know thats what most people would say...I've heard them all...All of them feeling like knives stabbing into my heart and soul, weakening my defenses and will to carry on...It hurts to see others being able to be strong while I try as I might...Could never see the light at the end of the tunnel...I just want a person to lead me with them through life knowing that there will be someone wating for me no matter what happens...Warmth...warmth from both our physical and emotional sides...Fairy tale person, I know...But I pray and hope that the person is out there, also thinking the same thing...Never alter right understanding to opposite, I'm waiting for you...*huh* *sigh* Anyways, I will be looking forward to seeing people back in Malaysia on the 29th of June...I again apologise for the slack to update my blog...Ja, See you guys soon...

Here come the pressure!!!

2005-04-30T19:43:00.000+10:00

I can't belive it...Term 2 already...like a week ago!!! All my subjects have an exam this term!!! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!!! Time to kick myself into high gear to start studying...after I write this post...*ahem* Apart from that kind of pressure, looks like I'll have to be able to tolerate others as well... I blew my top off today because I was overly stressed by the exams and essay for HOI but they, both my friends and the marks for my results, are really important to me... Now it's just to see how well I can handle all of this stress... Good luck to me... Neways nuthin much now since school started... See you guys soon!!!

P.S.

2005-04-18T22:46:00.000+10:00

I almost forgot... THANK YOU TOO TO ALL THE REST Cow, Kelly, Jiansheng, Li Sian, Li Shan, Maha, Jia Wei, Bryan, Paul, Joanne (B.M tuition), Hao Wei, Jolyn, Rachel (Johor), my good ol' friends (Melody, Yin Ying, Ke Vin, Wei Chiet and the still missing Mec-Tsyn) and of course my tuition teachers!!! I LOVE YOU ALL!!!!!!!!

School has begun...

2005-04-18T22:24:00.000+10:00

*Huh* After 2 whole weeks of hols, the time for school has finally come.. I have been both hoping and dreading at the same time for school to start. It was weird feeling that my sis was leaving... Usually it would be fine but this time I felt a bit alone eventhough I have my aunt's family and my cousin's family... I think I'm starting to know how it feels without your family... By the by, I would like to say that I want to thank everyone whom I know as a good friend of mine (you know who you are), whether I know you for along time or a short time, if it wasen't for you guys, I would have given up on people and I wouldn't be so socially active (in my on sense) especially Vee Vian, Kavitha, Xiao Xi, Adrena, Shalini, Joanne, Stephanie, Aries, Charles and oers in Trinity... not forgetting Michelle, Hidzuan, Jonathan Au, April, Alicia, Shangkari, Sarah Loke, Suan Ee (in Perth), Sarah Lim (also in Perth, I think =p),Shivy (beautiful fly!!! J.k she's a beauty alright!!!), Zhao Hong, both Kelvins in Seafield (Yap[now in Melb!!!] and Goh Wong), Mabel, Chui Mei (my beautiful apprentice magician!!!), the choir, the cheerleaders (eventhough I, personally am NOT in it...), the Subang dance group, the Builders Club, all the others in other classes, seniors, juniors + teachers from S.M.K.Seafield and not forgetting Alan, THE LOSER!!!! HAHAHAHA!!!! Thank you all for what you guys have done!!! *MUAKZZZZZZZZZZZ* Lol!!! Neways, g2g now...HOI document to read now... (AUGH!!!!!!!!) See you guys soon!!!

YAY!!! HURRAH!!!

2005-04-11T13:12:00.000+10:00

I can't wait!!!
My sis is coming to Melb on Wednesday morning and my friends are coming back all at once on Saturday!!! It's all good news after HOW MANY DAYS OF TOTAL AND UNBELIVABLE BOREDOM!!!!!!!!! It was SOOOOOOOOO BBBBBBOOOOOOOORRRRRRRIIIIIIIIINNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGG that I was on the internet until my laptop was so hot that I think it could fry an egg and more!!! Actually there's nothing much nowadays because of, oh I don't know...BOREDOM MAYBE...!!! Neways, I will be sleeping for a few extra hours now... See you guys soon!!!

I am SO bored...

2005-04-08T11:18:00.002+10:00

I don't know why, but I'm feeling UNBELIVEABLY BORED during the HOLIDAYS!!! I have never experienced boredom EVER in Malaysia!!! I only get out of my room to use the toilet, buy my food, wash my clothes or to go out with my aunt or cousin.... I was also SO pissed with my bank because they screwed up my account and I wanted to just give them not just A piece of my mind, I wanted to give them LOTS of pieces of my mind!!! If you were in my shoes I think you guys would have done the same or worse... I'M SOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO BORED!!!!!!!!!!!! I wanna be back but only because I'm bored not that I miss anyone or anything.... L.O.L =p Neways, have to go and collect my clothes from the dryer... See you guys soon!!!

AUGH!!!!!!!!!! I can't take it!!!!!!!!!!! And it has only been 1 day... Save me...

2005-04-02T17:36:00.000+10:00

OMG, OMG!!!I'm...so...bored....Can't...move...from...seat....
Brain...not...working...as...well...as...last...week....
Come...back...soon...Dail-up...Adrena...and...Steph....*gulp* I...can't...take...much...of...this....*gasp*AUGH!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

huh So bored...

2005-04-01T17:46:00.000+10:00

Well, sorry for not filling my blog for the last few days... I was out everyday until 12 a.m since my exams were ova!!! All of my friends (Xiao Xi, Adrena, Steph, Shalini, Charles and Aries) and I went for a shopping and eating spree as soon as majority of us were free... And now Xiao Xi has left for S'pore and tommorow Steph and Adrena will be going back to S'pore as well... I now know how it feels to have little friends... *huh* I really have to say this out, WITHOUT ALL OF YOU GUYS in the brackets, I WOULD BE SO DEAD AND BORED THAT SOMEONE WOULD HAVE TO SCRAPE ME OF THE FLOOR WHEN I DIE OF BOREDOM!!!! I LOVE YOU GUYS!!!! There, I said it, you all happy?!?!?!?!?! You better be... Neways, hope you guys will come back soon... and to the rest I'll see you sometime round... See you again in my blog!!!

I can't believe it happened...sigh

2005-03-29T20:39:00.002+10:00

Today was my first exam in Melb so far...and I haven't been here long neways... But could you imagine the shock me and some of my friends recived when we got our Lit exam paper?!?!?!?! After the first exam (M3 1), we were wondering what was in store for us in Lit since it wasn't so bad for M3. We were studing for what we expected will be coming out... When we entered the exam hall and recevied the paper, I looked at the first page...it has 1 of my prepared poems... Good... Then, I tried looking for my tutor's poems... Ehhh...??? I couldn't find her... Funny...??? I checked 3 times before I checked under other tutors names and found many hands raised and knew that there was a mistake about the paper... They didn't put her poems in!!! We had to do the test anyways but we were given a chance to re-take it or not...*huh* I chose to re-take it with my friends... I can't belive I have to re-take an exam!!! My first time!!! Augh!!! Neways, back to reading poems...*huh* See you guys soon!!!

Unbelieveable day before exam...

2005-03-28T20:31:00.001+10:00

I can't belive I actually haven't studied for my exam!!! Aaahhhh!!! And I'm actually worried about my Lit exam!!! Lit!!! I was out with my firends Xiao Xi, Adrena, Stephanie and Charles to Steph's house and we had a BBQ and after that, may I add, HUGE lunch, we went for gelati!!! *huh* We were supposed to go home but Steph and the rest wanted to bum at her house again...We squished ourselves onto Steph's bed (ALL OF US!) and slept and played around until 5.30-ish .And then we went for dinner at La Porchetta (And we were still full, mind you). We were about to take a bus but it took too long so we decided to walk back... Now if you'll excuse me, I will start my revision. See you soon!

OMG! KJ has a blog!

2005-03-27T17:34:00.000+10:00

Wow!!! Da first time doing a blog... Neways, nuthin' much happenin' now except the EXAMS coming up!!! And I haven't studied yet!!! Augh!!! Apart from that had a great time in Melb here so far and meet some nice, but insane and hyper friends and studies are so cool here!!! Finding some long lost friend(s) here nd I know they are hiding from me but I will hunt them down and burn...*cough*...I mean 'treat' them for lunch. Ok that's about it for my FIRST, I repeat, FIRST post. See ya all soon!!!